I am in a very, very bitchy mood.
Disklaimer: This post is fully fictional - all characters are imaginary and if there are any offensive references that a few nincompoops who freqent my blog, mistakenly perceive to be a spitting image of themselves, then I am not to he held responsible, maybe its just their goddamn conscience prickin' . And yes - no apologies are forthcoming, so the faint-at-heart, who have such a poor opinion of themselves that it makes them see ghosts even in the place of shadows, should STOP here.
Hell, reading that long line now, even I don't understand what I meant :-p
A bagful of popcorn, a 2L bottle of Sprite, a messy teapoy with choley spilt all over, three days of The Hindu all opened at the crossword page lying on the Diwan, some arbit Hindi serial running on Sony, Kenny G's mellifluous sax filtering in from the Sony stereo system in the bedroom...Hadn't I seen similar scenes so many times before ? 2004 might have given way to 2005 but some things still remained the same. I hastily switched the channel to Zee MGM and took my corner sofa seat, just like I did last year - which incidentally was last week. Serendipity was on air and I wanted to see it...yet again...and then it happened...
"You know what"
"Yeah.. Tell me..."
"I hate your blog. Its got only mush and movies."
"Is that all you have to say ?"
"Man of few words."
"I know my blog is shitty.."
"Then why not change ?"
"Coz I write the way I feel...and I've been feeling shitty for a long time now"
"Don't get started again. As it is, your journal is like Jeepers Creepers"
"Okie..what do you think I shud write about ?"
"How about your opinion on currrent affairs ? Or about sports ? Or about society and the changes around us ?"
"Unfortunately I'm intellectually challenged"
"If that's the case, then how about humor ?"
"I'm no Dave Barry - besides you always say mine is of the toilet kinds"
"Jesus. How about just providing us interesting links ?"
"Then you want me to be like that pompous P****te...."
"Ufff.. surely not..He's an opinionated a**hole"
"Why not about technology since you are in that line ?"
"I'd sleep even as I write it.. And I am not that desperate to fill up pages jes to be listed as one of the blogging world's gems ?"
"Nah...I guess u have a point..Well..How about a photoblog or a cartoonblog ?"
"Can't pull it off beyond a month, besides photos is not much like ME..I am not a shutter-bug"
"Philosophy, poetry or song lyrics?"
"That I already do in mild doses :-) "
"How about loads and loads of senti about childhood and friends and family ?"
"Like the world's most-politically-right blog ;-)"
"Jeez. I didn't mean like that. Not so nausaeatingly diabetic stuff pls"
"Wait... I got it..how about delightful word play.. How about just treating us all to good ol' English ?"
"Not my kinda stuff.. Neway my MS-Word doesn't have Thesaurus ;-) Nor do I possess the vivid imagination to use metaphors that connect AmmaVasai and Abdul Qadir"
"Hehehe...Do you still get those 'feedbacks' ?"
"You bet, let's not even talk about that yo-dude"
"Khair chodo..trivia, quizzing, amusing anecdotes ?"
"But then I would have to get most of them from the net and I might as well provide the links"
"Wait.....and now she will present him with the wedding gift and guess what it is..."
"A million times you've seen this"
" Gabriel Garcia Marquez's Love in the time of Cholera.. and its the same book that Sara has written her phone no: in... Yesssssssss"
"Stories hi likhna hai tho, why not write soft porn ?"
"Like Art Buchwald... Hahahahaha..."
"What's the joke ?"
"Google karke dekho"
"Welll...""Okie, so what do I think I shud write..."
"Hmmm.. Anything but this shitty stuff you presently write..Neway you have so many dumb men and women reading it unfailingly"
"Okie...Will sleep over it tonite.. Now will you let me watch the climax in peace ?"
A day later, realisation dawned on me that I really write C-R-A-P. Thankfully, I had a brainwave. And so I thought, let me just turn this into a greeting blog. Will post just Happy B'day, Best wishes, Congrats, Get Well and stuff like that... Wowwwww...What a stupendous idea !!
ps: Jan 10th, 14th, 17th...here I come...
pps: At the risk of repeating myself
It is a good rule in life never to apologize. The right sort of people do not want apologies, and the wrong sort take a mean advantage of them. ~P.G. Wodehouse