Monday, March 07, 2005

The Interview of a Life-time

"So you're serious about this April thing ?"
"Not serious but veering around to it....I must be the first guy who said YES on grounds of sheer boredom"
" :-) Can we just test how ready you are for D-day ?"
"Q&A ?? you gotta be kidding !!"
"BB, pleeez..Take it like a game nuh..."
"Grrr...OK"


Scene 1 Take 1

Buddygal posing as prospective bride: So..ever been in love ?
BB: Yeah..once...
Buddygal (incredulous tone): You're gonna say that ?????
BB: Complete honesty is the foundation of every relationship.
(A long silence)

Scene 1 Take 2
Buddygal posing as prospective bride: So..ever been in love ?
BB: HAHAHAHAHAHA.. What about you ?
Buddygal (even more incredulous tone): You're gonna laugh that loud ? And couldn't you think of anything worse to say..Use your brains BB..Atleast use your goddamn sense of humour...

Scene 1 Take 3
Buddygal posing as prospective bride: So..ever been in love ?
BB: Haha.. Of course..the usual... Manisha Koirala, Sushmita Sen and more recently Karena Kapoor
Buddygal (pleased tone): Nice one. Good polite laughter. I liked the way you casually displayed your sense of humor.. But the list has too many movie stars.. She might think you are a juvenile, star struck kid...
BB: Hullooooooo... How do you say juvenile ?
Buddygal: C'mon, everyone can relate to Manisha and then Bombay and that song and that famous running scene... ;-)
BB (sheepish): You're awesome..
Buddygal: You guys are all the same..Sush is OK.. shows you are classy too...and replace Kareena with some sportswoman...NO NO.. Not Kournikova or Sharapova..
BB: Sabatini ?
Buddygal: Yes
BB: Can I mention Priyanka Gandhi also ?
Buddygal: Uffff.. No politics please..besides she's married.. It might not send out the right signals.

Scene 2 Take 1
Buddygal posing as prospective bride: Would you call yourself as career oriented and ambitious ?
BB: Define ambitious
Buddygal (frustrated tone): This ain't a court of law so redirect and crossquestioning ain't allowed.
BB: ...But I just wanted a clarification.
Buddygal: You ain't getting any. Try again.

Scene 2 Take 2
Buddygal posing as prospective bride: Would you call yourself career oriented and ambitious ?
BB: Well..I don't think my aim in life is to become a CEO and run a billion $ company by the age of 35, if that's what you meant.
Buddygal (disapproving tone): That may be true but you don't say that straight away. I mean, there's gotta be a different way of putting it.
BB: How about this ? I want to be successful, I want to do stuff and I want to be good...really good... at what I do.. If this constitutes ambition, so be it.
Buddygal: Still doesn't feel perfect...The idea is more or less ok but work on the words...
BB: Oh yeahhhhhhhhh

Scene 3 Take 1
Buddygal posing as prospective bride: What are your hobbies ?
BB: (face lighting up at once) Movies and Books
(yaaaawn)
BB: Wot's rong with that ?
Buddygal: She must have already seen 16 guys of which 14 said this and got rejected.
BB: Psephology and Steganography ?
Buddygal: No No..Say it differently.

Scene 3 Take 2
Buddygal posing as prospective bride: What are your hobbies ?
BB: Oooh.. the oldest Q in the get-to-know-each-other manual.... Can I answer that like we do in B-skool interviews ?
Buddygal: Try me !!
BB: Books enthral me - I don't care whether its fiction or non fiction as long as it can keep me occupied on a rainy Saturday afternoon. Forsyth, Dickens, Bach, Wodehouse...name any and I read 'em all. Movies are a way of life - for a lot of people Friday evening signals the start of a weekend, for me it simply means another outing at the movies. ..B/w you and me, can I confess that most of my favorite movies are all rom-coms ? (sheepish smile)
Buddygal: Super. Nice combination of authors..Just reflects your personality...Or lack of it ;-) And though women might not prefer men who like mush, we can never resist one who feels comfortable enough to share this secret with them. Bulls eye.

Scene 4 Take 1
Buddygal posing as prospective bride: What are your expectations from a potential partner ?
BB: I just want her to be my best friend, philosopher and guide.
Buddygal: Wotttt... This answer is so unlike you....
BB: Shucks...How did you find out ? Neway I stole it from someone else coz I quite found it cool....very simple and very honest...
Buddygal: Hmm..agree with you on that but if that's not you, I don't think you should be using it...
BB: Can we skip this one for now ?
Buddygal: Fine with me.. but do give it a thought...And do NOT joke here...Pls do not bring up Vadivel or Govinda...


Scene 5 Take 1
Buddygal posing as prospective bride: So do you smoke or drink ?
BB (with a delight that comes from yearning to be asked this): I used to but quit a year and a half back......
Buddygal (annoyed) Stop. You really think in a first meeting she wants to know the sordid details of WHEN and WHY...
BB: :-(
Buddygal: You've been watching VAALI too often

Scene 5 Take 2
Buddygal posing as prospective bride: So do you smoke or drink ?
BB: No
Buddygal: Perfect


Scene 6 Take 1
Buddygal posing as prospective bride: Can I continue to work after marriage ?
BB: Why not ? It would be a crime to waste that wonderful education you've had by just sitting at home.
Buddygal: Oversell.

Scene 6 Take 2
Buddygal posing as prospective bride: Can I continue to work after marriage ?
BB: Of course, you should. It would not be fair on my part to ask you to give up such a promising career.
Buddygal: Sounds like you need her money.
BB: Damn you..

Scene 6 Take 3
Buddygal posing as prospective bride: Can I continue to work after marriage ?
BB: I think its a personal choice but if you still insist, I think you should continue atleast for some more time. Then maybe..down the line, you can re-evaluate your options.
Buddygal: Good. Just use simpler words.

Scene 7 Take 1
Buddygal posing as prospective bride: Do you want to settle abroad ?
BB: No
Buddygal: Not such a blunt answer, please
BB: Sorry dee but this is non-negotiable. Besides, this is not something one should dilly-dally on. Better to be forthright about it.
Buddygal: I guess you have a point.


Scene 8 Take 1
Buddygal posing as prospective bride: Do you have any questions to ask of me ?
BB: Well...I hope you weren't forced into this whole meeting-a-groom thing ? I mean, your folks wanted you to do this or sthg like that..
Buddygal: Not a very apt question. For one, this reeks of a Mani Ratnam touch.. a distinct Mouna Ragam hangover...Too filmi.. And even if you want to ask, I am not sure this is the right time to do it.
BB: But I wanna know.
Buddygal (is clearly not prepared for this exigency): Handle this dynamically nuh...It will either be a Roja kinda of reaction or a positive one..
BB: Yeah...
Buddygal: Maybe she will think you are insecure...
BB: Oops
Buddygal; Mebbe she thinks you have a past...
BB: Shitttt
Buddygal: Take my advice.. Don't ask this.

Scene 8 Take 2
Buddygal posing as prospective bride: Do you have any questions to ask of me ?
BB: No
Buddygal: Nooooooo..this is like a job interview..You can't duck this one.. You gotta ask something otherwise she'll think you are boring or worse still she'll assume you find her boring..and you don't want that to happen esp if you like her...
BB: Hmmmm

Scene 8 Take 3
Buddygal posing as prospective bride: Do you have any questions to ask of me ?
BB: This is kinda out of the way and may even sound atrocious but...
Buddygal (curious): Go ahead....
BB: If she has a bro or sthg.. and I know all gals love their bro...I'll say sthg like "I noticed that bike in the yard..and how its been well maintained..you bro seems to love bikes..." and if I get a positive response I'll say " So do I "
Buddygal: Go on...
BB: Or I could say sthg like "I saw those posters of Sachin in that bedroom..You're a huge fan of Sachin ?" and she says "Tis my brother" and I'll say " Wowww.. me too" - Basically I'll somehow try and pay her brother a compliment...
Buddygal: Well..It'll work like a charm if all women were like me.. But you gotta be careful...Very dangerous territory...
BB: I know.. Nothing venture nothing gained.
Buddygal (smiles): I'll say one thing - It pays to have presence of mind and you usually get lucky...Hope the law of averages doesn't catch up...

Scene 9 Take 1
Buddygal posing as prospective bride: So do you wanna marry me ?
BB (too shocked to speak): Well....
Buddygal: Gotta ask Mom ?
BB (indignant): No
Buddygal: So you don't like me ?
BB: Noooooooooooooo
Buddygal: Then ?
BB: Hmmm
Buddygal: Wanna sleep over it ?
BB: Welll...

"Lets stop this game please...."
"Hehehehehe"
"You know what...I don't think any woman can be this merciless"

(A long silence)

"ok ok..You know what...I don't think I'm there yet"
"Hey, chillax da...You did much better than a lot of people I know"
(raised eyebrow) "Like ?"
"My hubby for instance"
"That is definitely not inspiring enough"
"You are such a chicken"
"quack quack quack"
"Thats a duck"
"Whadever"

PS: Dedicated to Mani Ratnam ;-)

6 comments:

J said...

R, can i take lessons from u before this process starts at my end? :-p

Anonymous said...

Cha...Romba mosum !

Thiru, enna pathi ezhadhanumna edhavudhu nalladha ezhudhu da - Poi ellam ezhudhadhai - Udavi seyya poy idhu enakku thevaya ? Akka paera keduthiduva pola irukku !

Indira maadhiri Jupe pinnaala edhavudhu kadhai irukka da ?

Ri said...

I'd given a m$ to see that look on your face during the whole of Scene 9 :) Admit it, you must have felt like a jackass.

Ps - 'Meet the Parents' went off well :)

Man with no Name said...

hahahahhaa.. someday, U need to shoot a movie.. I'll get the rotten tomatoes..

and btw, looks like someone's on training grounds.. whens the D day???

Sparky said...

You have no reason to complain mama. My parents talk about this shit 82 times-a-day. I swear toGod I counted.

Jupe said...

J,
I wouldn't know wot to ask a woman :-p Get someone who's already been thru sthg like this... Like my bro, for ex: :-p

Thamizh Thaaye,
U've really taken this language thingy to heart,haven't u ? Ok baba, my uncle's been buggin me for long.. Maybe I will learn that Tamil Avarangal jes fer ya :-(

Poi ezhuda solriya ? :-))) Btw, I told u KM is highly under-rated..Appo appo naan solradha keluma..

Ri,
:O Dat wasn't me...Well, atleast not all of it...and def not Scene 9...:-(

MWNN,
Yaendapa...Naan ezhudradhu avvaluv mosamava irukku..I guess U still prefer to see Rasigan and Thulluvadho Ilamai kinda movies ;-)

Prasanna,
Why on earth do ppl call urself Sparky ????