Thursday, April 21, 2005

Due Diligence

A phrase that sends the shivers up my spine... A phrase that reminds me of a million future scenarios, none too rosy...Simply put, a phrase that is giving me sleepless nights and quite a few harrowing days too...

The other day one of my peers sent me a very cryptic mail which went like this

Dear xxxx,

Not to worry. This is not an official mail :) Need a favor from you. No urgency but call me asap.

Regards,

Whoever

Now, leaving aside the fact that he worked with our biggest competition for half a decade before moving over here which kinda explained the awesome communication skills he possessed, I was terribly intrigued by what personal favor I could do him. So when I finally got down to calling him 'asap' (a good 36 hrs after he had sent the mail..phones calls and me, you know the story) he explained that there was an alliance proposal for his wife's colleague's sister's sister-in-law (I might have missed one more link but w-t-h) with a Wipro guy who happened to be working in my BU and whether I could run a simple due diligence for him. Under normal circumstances, I would have politely declined to do it faking some excuse but this was one guy I had been rude to for almost the last 6 months so sensing a chance to make amends, in a moment of weakness, I accepted to help.

Usually I find it extremely difficult/embarassing to do even simple checks which involve finding answers to questions like

Can you pls check if the guy smokes ?
Can you pls verify if he is just a social drinker ? (read as: Drinking freq: daily/weekly/fortnightly)
Is he sincere at work ? (read as: will be get promoted soon)
Is he cultured and well mannered ?
Does he come from a good upbringing ? (read as: is he rich)

and in the rarest of cases (read: Telegu) , even not-so-subtle questions like
Does he have a valid US visa ? (read as: atleast potential to be rich)

Now all this is OK..Using one's ingenuity and judgement one can come to a fair conclusion about the person under the microscope but the real problem this time around was the presence of ONE damning question

Does he hang around with a lot of women in office ?

Now you know what my problem is, right ? Ever since, I have totally forgotten about this guy and all my energies have been redirected towards imagining what could happen a few months / years down the line...If this thing ever happens to me (God Forbid...is someone listening ?) I can already sense what the feedback will be..If they are unfortunate enough to get someone who doesn't know me well enough to give them the info they seek, then the worst that can happen is that I will be branded as aloof and snobbish. If they are fortunate enough to know one of my pals and then seek info from him, then I am sure to be scandalised simply because most of these guys resent the fact that I am friendly with a couple of smart ladies at work. In fact, I am fairly confident that given a chance, they would happily paint me as an obsessive womaniser :-( Given the problem, I am now worried how to set right this mis-impression. Should I swear off women ? (which firstly would be very tough..and then, in any case they would probably then brand me gay) Should I start cosying up with everyone who could be a prospective informant ? (Highly impractical) Or should I simply not care ?

Why can't we simply have a 'The Recruit' kinda scenerio (esp if the gal is a real hottie a la Bridget Moynahan) where the guy and the gal sit across each other and ask questions which are answered with a lie detector lurking behind ?

Hmmmmm....

13 comments:

Man with no Name said...

Still wondering what the middle finger is used for?

Anonymous said...

ohhh cmon...u r workin urself up for sthg which is an impossibility.........
with frens like me arnd ..u ll definitely get a A+...
if i had been the informer, i d certify u as:

Smart
Handsome (a la Adonis look alike)
Responsible
Caring

will add a small caveat though....regrding all the above qualities, ramki is ALMOST there......("Almost thr" = away from the mark by a insignificant 95%)...
u ll reach thr some day..

Zed

Jupe said...

Zed,
I taught you what ADONIS-like means just last month and you are already using it..Shabaash beta..U r growing up !!

As for the rest, coming from U, it was all so funny to read...But why don't u jes quit training all ur witticisms on me and instead focus it on the women...at last hear, they were all fainting even in anticipation :-p

ps: Now u know why I wont shift to Chennai nor will get u a job here ;-)

pps: I am offended you missed out funny in that last list :-(

Ekta said...

well Jupe..I dont even want to comment what I would say if someone came to me asking for your reference...Hows Peabrains to start with!;-))

Anonymous said...

oh oh......cmon....."generosity at its heights...."

"peabrained" means it involves a dia of atleast 10 millimeters.........thats way tooooooooo much.......whew...

n yaa.....stay thr forever....u knw not wat u r missing here ;)


Zed

Venks said...

Jupiee i wld start with
Nallavaru,
vallavaru,
Padayapparu...

and then i wld go on to sing songs abt brotherhood, cricket, football, movies, Shwet (Sis) Ji..,Pur Ji..and so on and so forth...
but I wld make it very clear tht..though he writes a million love stories a day..he never had the guts to have one...and Swear to God never laid a finger on a lady...!!

Do ya want more..just mail me...
Yor Bro!

Jupe said...

This is EXACTLY the difference between a friend and a bro (Zed, take note)...Right on almost all counts... almost...except 2..

Pur Ji, maaaama... sathyama solraen... nothing happened...we were just good buddies who shared similar interests, pizza and a city in common.... O%$a, atleast mine was definitely more platonic than u and 'ur junior woman' ;-)

Love stories....of course I've written a million but there were 2...unfort: one was nipped in the bud and the other is related to a guy called Narcissus :-(

ps: Don't you wanna know what I'd say about you ? :-p :-p

pps: Come back soon.. Bangy is boring without u :-(

Anonymous said...

hey venks...
thats downright slander...

wat dyu think abt ramki....THE MAN for all seasons....(datz wat every GF of his sezs....every gf of his has relied on him,rain or shine)...

he had so many so many love stories around him....right, ramki???

Anonymous said...

a. What I'd say depends on whether they want to know about Jekyl or Hyde :)

b. Thottil pazhakam sudukaadu varai. Too late for damage control ;)

Ever wunderred Jupie.........For s'one who's struggling to find 'the perfect match' at 29, is it not amazing that you have an abundance of choices at 40 ? lol

L&M said...

Totally enjoying this free-for-all. Btw, is ZED zee ?

Jupe said...

Ekky,

Just becoz u now have a Mr Mukati to defend you, doesn't mean you'll get away with all this slander.. U jes wait till we meet next time around...I'll swat you with that cricket bat I promised ya :-p

Zed,

I am a firm believer in self-censorship but aren't you jes losing it a little with those depserate comments ;-) And just in case you forgot, every one of my so-called gfs have an equally looong history with u too :-p

Anon,
:-) Remember Jekyll is dead, Hyde lives on 3 is not 'an abundance of choices' and thats assuming they are all still single and lookin' then ;-)

L&M,
You shoooo !!

Comments on this post are CLOSED.

Anonymous said...

No, not yet. I'm here. I'm sure you've had your share of love stories too.

Anonymous said...

oh ramki...am being so sweet to u...n yet u......well....
"Hell hath no fury tan a friend scorned"...
MIND U...

n again, if every one of ur gfs had a longer history with me.......what can u infer from that ;)

Zed/Zee/..watever...