Friday, April 29, 2005

*sigh* You can never win

Relationships and advice
I've just learnt that I don't need to do much to get into misunderstandings. It just comes naturally to me. The other day a very close friend of mine asked me for advice. I refused because it involved putting myself in his shoes and thinking, which I was simply incapable of given the circumstances. Needless to say, he was terribly pissed. Then yesterday, another very good friend of mine had a serious problem where she needed a second opinion. Not wanting a
repeat of the earlier fracas, this time I gave her what I felt was simple and sensible advice. Guess what happened. Of course, she didn't like it and we fought. You can never win. Can I just say one thing to people out there ? The next time anyone wants advice from me, pls also tell me what exactly you want me to tell you back :-(

A canine story
I am scared of most pets be it cats, rabbits (yeah) or even 'supposedly friendly' parrots. Maybe fish are the only creatures that find me likeable and vice versa. Yeah, in case you were wondering, I deliberately omitted dogs from that list because I am SHIT SCARED of 'em.

*start of flasback*

Going back in the past, maybe it all stems from my initial experiences with 'the dog' in our street in Trichy. There was this old lady Dr. SS living a couple of houses away from mine who'd, having lost her husband and having no kids, raised a ferociious mongrel (c'mon, pls don't expect me to know what mix of species it was..It wasn't a pomeranian or a dalmatian, for sure) whom she affectionately called Selva. We, the kids, who used to play cricket near her place would often hit the ball into her house and then quarrel amongst ourselves as to who would retrieve the ball. On one of those occasions when I was the chosen one, I remember jumping over the gate and walking towards the shed where 'the dog' was tied in search of the ball. And lo, suddenly there he was with the ball in his mouth charging towards me. As I ran towards the gate hollering "Naai Naai", this is what happened

SS: (peeping out from her home cum clinic) Don't call it naai.. call it selva.. he has a name
Me: But aunty, it is still a dog....
SS: If you call it dog one more time, i will ask him to bite you...and then u'll need 25 oosis around ur thoppul....
Me: Ayyoo... plssssss.....plsssss.... ask selva to move away

Having licked every part of my foot, Selva was now sniffing near my cr*$ch and I was perspiring like crazy.

SS: Will you behave yourself and be nice to Selva ?
Me: Sure Sure
SS: Shake hands with him
Me: Nooooooo

By now, my other friends were howling with laughter and 'the dog' still seemed to be fascinated with u-know-wot

SS: C'mon, he is a clean boy, my Selva...Shake hands Selva
Me: Ugggh...Hi Selva
SS: Give b***u the ball, Selva
Me: Thanks Aunty... thank you doggie.. ooops.. thanks selva...

*end of flashback*

So much more to say about dogs, especially that horrible night during my autumns where I ran from K2 to our flat (1.1 kms in 3 mts flat) chased by a hungry pack of sex-starved dogs/bitches *shudders*...but why all this now you may ask ? Hear me out sweeties...Last week I had to drop something at a friend's place and knowing that his extended family included 4 huge dogs, I pleaded with him to meet elsewhere - in vain. Warning him to keep his brothers/sisters
in leash and armed with an expensive packet of doggie biskis (just in case) I dared to set foot in hostile territory. And the rest as they say, is history.

My welcome party:
Wow wow wow wowwwww
WOWWWW WOWWWWW WOOWWWWW
woww wowww
WOW WOW WOW WOW WOW WOW WOW WOW WOW WOW

Note: Caps denotes intensity

My next 10 minutes:
SNIFFFF SNIFFFFFF SNIFFFFF SNIFFFFFFFFFFFFFF
sniff sniff
sniff sniff sniff sniff
SNIFFFF SNIFFFFFFFFFF SNIFFFFFFFFFFFFF SNIFFFFFFFFF

I don't think I need to remind you that I did not grow up all these 27 years to lose everything there to 4 dogs hence beat a hasty retreat. What is it with me and tall & sniffy dogs ? You can never win.

FAQs about the blog and my 0.02$ on the same:
Why does your blog have such a dullish grey-green for a background ?
Someone once told me "Hey buddy, your color scheme is classy. You rock !". I'll leave it to you two to come to a mutually acceptable decision.

I remember seeing links to other blogs you read on the right hand pane. Why have you taken them off ?
Maybe it has something to do with this offline message I got "You are such a loser. I see only women being linked up in your blog." Or maybe it has to do with something like this.....In my early days, I used to provide links to other blogs that I found interesting till I discovered newer and newer blogs which actually made the goddamn right pane a little too cluttered for my liking.....And then I found that many ppl were using this linking thingy as a you-scratch-my-back-I'll-scratch-urs kinda tool which was just so sickening that I decided to bury this controversy once and for all by yanking off all the links. Today, as and when I find something interesting, I do provide links within posts which I guess is working fine for me.

Why don't you keep a shout box ?
Too lazy to do it. If someone can send me the html code, I'm game.

Why do you need a sitemeter ?
One reason is that I'm running a couple of experiments on key word promotion and optimisation and I hope to use my findings from this page to build more traffic to my corporate page. Okie, so you didn't buy that story. The fact is I wanna know who visits my site...Yeah, I can track visitors by IP. So beware, God (me) is watching you !!!

Despite all my weird fundae and crazy justifications, there will still be people who aren't satisfied and who will continue to crib.

PS: God save me....I 'discovered' 4 more blogs yesterday night and a couple of them belong to my SP seniors, people who weren't exactly known for their academic orientation but guys who knew exactly what their priorities were.. Real rockers....Shit, so much to read, so little time. You can never win.

7 comments:

Anonymous said...

WTH! yest U told me what I wanted to hear machan!

Jupe said...

Shittttt... wasn't referring to u there but now that u mention it, I hope u took my freggin' advice and didn't do it... pls say YES...

Anonymous said...

Why wont you let bygones be bygones. I said sorry. Im saying it again.

Anonymous said...

can u also tell us in the relationship/advice ......which category do YOU belong to.... so that we atleast win :)

Anu said...

Are you a paid consultant ...

If u wanna my advice , tell me what do u want to hear.. that is so consultanish !!!

Cool blog tho .. esp the one feeling abt dogs , they are cute till they learn to yelp and jump and bite ... ( On second thts true with human babies too )

-Anu-

dumbs said...

"you-scratch-my-back-I'll-scratch-urs"

very true .... and then there r people who email u askin u to blogroll them !

Jupe said...

Anon2,
DUH ? DUHHHHH ?

Anu,
Isn't one consultant more than enough ? I'll leave the gyaan stuff to de venks...Babies bite ? Naaaah... they are so adorable...

Dumbs,
And how do u handle such morons ? chaaaaa....