Thursday, July 29, 2004

The unfortunate letters series - 1

I've realised that sometimes when we don't really want to talk directly to people but still want to get some messages across, there are ways to do this tactfully. For example, we could drop some (not-so) subtle hints in letters that weren't supposed to have been read by the intended recipients but somehow got to them. I am NOT saying the following are something like that but... :-)

Dear girlfriend,

First things first. U shud have never married Boyfriend till the deadline was over :-( I know thats not how it is in My Best Friend's Wedding but still... :-(

Secondly a) Having done it, u shud quit trying to keep in touch with "whats happening" here. Its so annoying. OK? :-(
Secondly b) I have still not seen HUM TUM so stop asking me again n again n again. Grrrrr.

Thirdly, I am sure you have read those stupid Erica Jong books (i remember seeing FEAR OF FLYING in ur Chennai pigsty) - that woman spoke some sense too - here's her take on ADVICE "Advice is what we ask for when we already know the answer but wish we didn't." So from now on, please advice accordingly :-)

Fourthly, I'm still waiting for those tickets to Singapore or have i been compromised in your latest austerity drive ?

Fifthly, summing up, u r such a pain - why don't they send you on a mission to Mars or Venus, whichever is further, for 6 years with the option of an extension :-))

Love
The-Jilted-One

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Dear Boyfriend,

Firstly a) Please get urself a job in a timezone where i do not have to endure 2 hrs of YM chat with ur better half on a day to day basis.
Firstly b) If you can't shift, i am game - get me a job faaaaar faar away, even Reykjavik will do.

Secondly, i don't like that name one bit. Its unisexual. Please, please dont let her take ALL the decisions.

Thirdly, thanks a million for saying more that night by not saying and jes listening. U r the best (but i am the bestest)

Love
R

ps: NSU is not that great da - ask your cousin to call me up.

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Dear Anon,

I know i said a lot of stuff that day but after a long nights sleep, i am wiser. You have been the catalyst yet again :-p I have kinda made up MY mind but I am NOT gonna tell YOU exactly what you should be doing - coz i have now realised i am not the most competent person to do that. After all i do seem to be "flippant" and "frivolous" so just follow your heart - it will never fail you. Take care and remember i am just a call away.

Forever
R

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Dear Ram,

The dear was put there purely coz my mom wouldn't approve otherwise. I know u r a real bozo and will probably never read this post but if u ever do, its time you returned my 4k back. Asshole ! (Mom, you didn't see or hear that)

Love (purely outta respect for my mom again)
B***u

10 comments:

Anonymous said...

Mister Jupie,
No comments 2 everything!! This post is plainly boorish and your blog just lost a faithful reader!! Fyi, A public apology is the least I expect!

Do ppl with IQs < -40 know of a language called Sanskrit.... that name means sumthng in it!
With best regards
OK

Anonymous said...

Ram uncle,

That was some "yawn" material ... try cooking up stories that are more interesting in your next set of unfortunate letters will ya?

Jupe said...

OK,
Fine with me but no apologies are comin' :-D

Stalker,
Am neither a stand-up comedian nor a circus clown :-)) - i don't blog to entertain sleepy folks. I write depending on my mood so sorry to have disappointed u. Stay away tomorrow too coz i think i have series-2 coming up :-P Mmmmwaah !

Anonymous said...

Oh yeah? So u write for urself eh? Interesting! And if i said that ur temporarily degenerated wad of grey cells seem to be under a misconception that i'm stalking YOU, u'd say u dont know wat i'm talking abt, but it's bcuz i'm 3 planes higher n u admit that urself...
It's difficult for you to find someone who exceeds ur IQ and is taller than 5'6"...
Here's a hot wet < u know wat > ... feeling better?

Jupe said...

Dats it... No more Anon comments in my blog. If ppl wanna behave so obnoxiosly, the least they shud do is reveal their true selves to this world :-) JJ, are u sober?

ps: Susie, i am sorry but u havta register now.

Susie said...

Now me a member!!! :D
No comments today and if this letter series continues then none till it ends - its ur stuff and i'll keep my stuff out of it okie :P

Girl With Big Eyes said...

Hey Jupe!

Thanks for the inspiration! I am planning on writing on HUM TUM (the great fun movie!) on my next post! :)

you seem to be on a fight with the whole world! relax dude....overworked? take some time off and chillax! Of course the Aug 1st is coming up....grrrrrrrrrrr

OriginalKopy said...

Hello Momma's boy :)

Home is going to be hell today thanks to you. Hey, if not Nsu where..Nsu, ASM, ISB not many options right ?

Raj

Jupe said...

Susieeeeeee ,
Thanks for registering. Know i can always count on my loyal critic. Lou u da :D

GWBE ,
Haven't been more at peace with myself or the world :-) However yes, India's thru to the finals and my Dad insists telly is off my limits this Sunday from 2 pm..Feel like bawling, instead am reading Season 10 scripts at http://www.eigo-i.com/friends/season/10
HUM TUM - no comments :-(((((

Raj ,
I know when i am licked. I was dreading someone wud say that, thankfully it was u - Score 1-0 in ur favor..But u bet, i'll get even :-)

ISB is okie dokie - baaki sub bakwaas.. n there is one called GLIMS in Chennai, ask Vinay to not even go near that place.

Susie said...

Just commenting - say hello to double digit!!! :D